Miserable seems the most fitting way to describe today’s weather and general ambience. It is a Friday but I seem to have lost that ‘Friday Feeling’ in amongst the stress of trying to find another part time job to tide me by, stressing about these american exams and when they’ll be, stressing over a tax bill that I’m sure I’m not due but seeing as its taken 7months to reply to my last letter, it doesn’t appear to be settling any time soon! Stressing over months and months, years in fact, of working so hard, trying to be the best at everything I do, giving 100% commitment to various projects, and leaving little time for relaxing, all to be stuck in limbo. No way of planning ahead when I don’t know where I’ll be in 6months time – will I be here, will I be in America, will I have changed direction completely?! Being stuck in this limbo scares me and panics me, because I have absolutely no control over when things will happen. So what do I do?
I keep faith and believe. Believe that everything will work out if I continue to work hard towards my goals, keep focussed and have faith that things will fall into place. Faith and belief are so often associated with religion, dismissed by those who don’t follow any particular religion or cult, but faith and belief are what makes the world go round. We all need a little faith and belief, whether that be in ourselves, in our family, in our friends, in our work, in society, in humanity… not a lot, just enough to keep us going, keep me going. I’m not overly religious, but I believe that things will work out. I have faith that my hard work, commitment and sacrifice have all been worth it and that there’s a light at the end of this tunnel, a light that’s been waiting for me.
So on days like this, where the skies are grey, my shoes are wet, my finances are depressing, studying feels endless, I close my eyes….. remember that everything will be ok….. smile….. breathe….. and get on with it. 🙂